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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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Then, outta nowhere, this old lady from the neighborhood comes by. She’s waving her arms like she’s conducting an orchestra. Turns out, she’s mad about the noise. I mean, lady, it’s a construction site! What did you expect? I try to explain, but she’s not having it. “You kids don’t respect the neighborhood!” she yells. I’m like, “Respect? We’re just trying to make it look good!”

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